[girl] Every year, I blow out my candles and I make the same wish.
I wish I was a boy.
[funky up-tempo music]
I was raised in New York by my mom,
my mom's mom,
and my mom's mom's girlfriend.
My friends thought it was so cool,
but all I ever wanted was normal.
[music continues]
[man clears throat]
It's been a long time, and here we are.
There is absolutely nothing to worry about.
- So... - [clears throat]
There will be weight gain...
Fat is fluid,
- and it'll move - from the hip area
- To the front - of the belly.
Facial hair and hair growth on your chest and your arms,
that'll happen pretty fast.
Your breasts will not go away.
That requires surgery.
And the great news is
you will see a drop in your menstrual cycle.
- Thank God.
- [man chuckles]
Periods have never been easy on young men.
It's been hard on her.
...Him.
Us. It's been really hard on us.
[man] Of course, the "T"...
It's the testosterone element to the hormone therapy,
that'll put a stop to them, pretty much.
And, since Ray is 16...
- ...uh, here is - the parental consent form,
Which will need to be signed.
What about trying something alternative?
What, like acupuncture?
We'll see you at home, Mom.
What did I say?
[siren blaring]
- Hi, John.
- Hey, Ramona.
- How are you? - Ray, remember?
Where are you going?
I'm supposed to be at Taylor's.
Be back in an hour and...
50 minutes?
Please.
[sighs]
[Dolly] Mags?
Ohh! Hot flashes will get you every time.
I am so glad I'm over those.
- I'm not having - a hot flash, Mom.
- I'm having - an anxiety attack.
- I thought you quit.
- I have.
Oh, good.
- Here, will you - hold this a minute?
What is this?
It's a dead mouse.
Found it in the hallway.
Oh, my God.
- Trying to find something - to bury it in.
- It seems so harsh - to just, you know,
Throw it into the trash.
Ah, this'll do.
Don't you have tea in your own house?
This is all my house.
It's good, I like it, I just wanted...
- I wasn't saying - that you can't cook.
- I'm just saying that... - You pack it with salt.
- What are you - talking about?
Just concern yourself with whether it's organic,
- and not whether or not - It's packed in salt.
- What?
- Don't start, Mom.
- [Dolly] Did you think - I was undermining her?
- Franny doesn't think I was - undermining her.
- I have an announcement.
- Go for it, babe.
I don't like vegetables anymore.
I feel like I HAVE to eat them.
[Dolly] You DO have to eat them.
You know, she got tired of vegetables, too.
[Ray] Dodo, when you managed George Russell,
did Bill Evans play here, too?
- They all played here - except for Monk,
- Because he was allergic - to our dogs.
Mm, I miss Mr. Pepper.
I do, too. I loved that dog.
I couldn't stand that dog.
You two are so alike.
- You should have been - her mother.
- What does it say that - you married your daughter?
- The expression is that - you marry your father,
Not your...
Okay, in this case,
I guess I married my mother.
Except you didn't marry me.
Because we're old school and we didn't feel the need.
But you know what else they say.
They say you turn into your mother.
- [Maggie] Have another drink, Mom.
Well, thank you.
- [Maggie] Can you take - your plate, please?
- Ray, can you ask - to be excused?
- Can I be excused?
- Yes.
- Well, did you take...? - [Dolly] What?
He should take his plate.
[women talking indistinctly]
[Dolly] Ray, come get your plate.
- What? - I got this.
[tentatively hitting notes on piano]
[women continue indistinctly]
Why can't she just be a lesbian?
'Cause she's not a lesbian, Mom. She's a boy.
But she's a person who likes girls.
That could be a boy
or a lesbian.
- And she's still getting - her period,
So... I vote lesbian.
- He. He's still getting - his period.
- Napkin.
- All right, I... I'm staying out of this.
I just... I don't understand why we're in such a hurry.
- Franny agrees with me - on this.
No, but I am staying out of it.
All right, I'm sorry, it just feels like mutilation, to me.
I thought you said you were gonna stay out of it.
- Franny has been fighting against - Female genital mutilation
- so you'll...
- ...you'll back me up on this, - won't you, hon?
This is not helpful.
- You can't take things - out of context.
Look... he needs to be at least six months
into the hormones before he changes schools.
Okay?
- Why does he want - to change schools?
[scoffs] Because he wants a conventional experience.
Then just be a normal lesbian!
I can hear you.
Good. Join the conversation.
I just want to be normal
in a regular school.
I just want to try it.
- Just how you wanted - to try being gay.
- Fucker!
Well, why is "normal" the goal all of a sudden?
What about being authentic?
Authentic is what he wants to be.
Okay. I...
Okay.
Okay. Thanks.
[melancholy music]
[sighs]
[narrator on TV] ...in habitats all over the world...
[exhales]
...in many varied environments,
the beetle relies on its keen sense of smell...
Did you sign the papers?
You mean... since we got home this afternoon?
No.
- 'Cause that's the whole point of me switching schools and stuff.
I know, but it's only February, honey.
It takes three months to kick in.
We agreed to take it slow, right?
Hmm?
I'm proud of you. And...
Huh? Hmm?
[distorted voice] I'm proud of you, too.
[both laugh]
That's so gay.
Don't use that word.
I'm re-appropriating it.
- You can't re-appropriate a word That doesn't apply to you.
[laughs]
I'm a boy with tits.
I can re-appropriate whatever I want.
[funky up-tempo music]
- I can't make it to basketball - tryouts tonight.
- Please, I... - Have you got a date?
No, I don't.
- [squeals] - [Spoon] Who is she?
- It's not about that. - A-Are you gonna try out, Ray?
- I'm too small. - No, you're not.
- [Spoon] Does she go here? - Ray.
- Uh, I'm too small. - That's what they say, at least.
[bell rings]
I can't wait to leave this school.
I'll miss you.
- We live - in the same city.
We'll always be tight.
Oh, can you tell Miss Insley I'm gonna be late for math?
[bell rings]
Hey.
[woman] Next.
Oh, uh, excuse me. Uh, excuse me. Sorry, sorry.
Oh, excuse me.
Ooh, just a second.
- I've been here - a really long time
- And I just have - a quick question.
You have to wait your turn.
- Um, well, I'm not filing - a complaint or anything,
I just, I just wanted
to get in touch, personally,
with the man who used to pay child support for my kid.
Call this number
- and the appropriate department - can assist you.
Oh, but I came all the way down here, so...
- You have to call - the number, ma'am.
Okay, so what department is that exactly?
The complaint department.
But I don't have a complaint.
You're complaining a lot for someone without a complaint.
[sighs]
Okay, um, listen,
I just need the information for Craig Walker.
That's all I need.
[man] Maggie.
Hey.
[grunts]
- How are you?
- Oh, hey. Hey, Jake.
Um, now's not a good time, I...
- You look great. - Likewise.
- Oh, hey. - [chuckles]
Sorry.
Okay, uh...
uh, yeah. See you.
Got a little schmutz.
[sighing] Oh, God.
Where were you?
You were supposed to meet me at group.
- I can't relate to anyone there. They're all freaks.
Well, I can't do this on my own.
What?
You've got some shit all over your face.
Uh, yeah, okay, so what about in the circumstances in which
there's only one active parent involved?
So, you're saying I need two signatures?
He's pretty much nonexistent.
Yeah.
But there aren't two parents.
Mom?
Yeah, just a second, honey. I'll be right there.
So, would you need proof if he's dead?
Can we just have one?
- [sighs] This is so...
- Mom, who's dead?
'Cause, you know, who knows? He maybe is... dead.
His name is Craig Walker.
I've tried. I went to the DSS.
I have an old address and number. I-I...
We haven't spoken in years
and, uh, you know...
[sighs, sniffles] ...he's just not a part of our lives
or this decision.
- [Ray] I really don't understand why people have secret conversations in the bathroom.
It's the most echoey room in the house.
You know what, I'm gonna get back to you.
You've been so helpful. Thank you very much.
Are you waiting for the bathroom?
- Who were you talking to? - Who's dead?
Nobody...
but... a girl can dream.
[Dolly] Mags, are you up there?
Mags, are you up there?
[sighs]
Can you knock occasionally?
Hiding under my roof is not gonna solve anything.
You still live with your mother.
Please, Mom, I have a deadline.
Something's got to change.
- [Maggie] Things are changing.
A lot of shit is changing.
- Did you sign the forms?
- No.
Having second thoughts?
No.
Yes... I don't know.
She's 16.
God.
And I don't know anything about boys or men.
It's not like I had any role models.
You had me.
- Whatever happened - with having...
- I don't want - a boyfriend.
Okay.
Well, you're too old to use that word, anyway.
[Dolly sighs]
You know what Mags, it's time.
Live a little.
What's it like having a penis?
What?
Is it great or, uh... bleh, not great?
Uh, it's great.
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's-it's great.
You don't wish it was, uh, it was,
it was more organized
or contained?
I-I-I don't mean do you wish you had a vagina.
I just mean the penis itself,
do you wish it was more...
...um, neat?
- Or... in there?
- In there?
Yeah, like put away.
Nope.
Oh. Okay.
Do you?
No, but I also don't really want one.
Yours is... yours is fine.
- It's good, it's, - yours is good.
But not for me... To keep.
[scoffs]
You know, I-I really should go.
Thanks for having me.
Are-Are you okay, or...?
[sighs]
[heavy breathing]
Do you think I can fake the signature?
Will they even check?
This doesn't taste like coconut.
[Dolly] It's vanilla almond.
Then why are there coconuts all over the container?
- 'Cause it's made - with coconut milk.
It's better for you.
- Well, I don't want better for me. I'm miserable.
[Dolly] Look, I think you're afraid of finding Craig.
He just might be on board with this.
If you're not gonna comfort people with words,
you should keep real ice cream in the house.
All I'm saying is maybe you really don't want him to sign it
Because if he signs it, then you're gonna have to sign the papers.
Stop trying to turn your views into my views.
I'm not. I'm just saying they're not that... different.
- They might be similar. - No, they're not.
- They're not that different.
- They're very different...
...about this, about Ray
and about what is and what is not ice cream.
Still ate it.
[Ray] I'm actually pretty excited
'cause, um, I gained five pounds these past two weeks,
and-and yeah, I mean,
I'm-I'm also excited about how my chest is...
it's building up.
I think it looks pretty good.
[Ray] No more Ace bandages. Got it.
I'm counting down the weeks until I start T.
Each day is a good day.
Ten weeks.
And nine, eight...
[train passing]
- How can you tell?
- It's obvious.
[Taylor] Lola Johnson is definitely a virgin.
Like you have a clue.
Well, she gives good head, I know that for sure
[Jesse] You'd never go down on her. I know that for sure.
[Taylor] You don't even have a chance.
I know she only like guys with big dicks.
[heavy beat playing]
[guitar comes in]
♪ Always ♪
♪ Be by your side ♪
[Ray vocalizing]
[Maggie] Ray?
[muffled] Hey, how was your day?
[Ray vocalizes]
Hello?
What?
I said, how was your day?
Kind of depends on whether or not you signed the papers.
Ugh, can we talk about it later?
- Just because you're - the parent doesn't mean
That you get to decide when we can talk about things.
Well, actually, it does
because I'm the only parent
and I'm dealing with this shit for two.
So I'm shit now?
- Oh, please, - Ray, come on.
- You know that's not - what I meant.
No, it's fine,
because that's how I feel.
I feel like shit
or worse than shit.
I get to swear if I'm having a shitty day.
- You're the kid, - you get to take it out
- On the parent - if you're having a shitty day.
- You're doing - a pretty great job...
I'm not having a shitty day, Mom.
I'm having a shitty existence!
[sighs] Come on, Ray.
[Ray] Are you having second thoughts?
[Maggie] We agreed to take this slow.
What can I do to make it better? Tell me.
- I'm so proud...
- I don't want you to be proud of me.
Where are you going?
Ray?
Ray!
[door slams]
[wheels rolling on pavement]
[Dolly] Aw, my baby. What a sweetheart.
[Dolly] But to think that I spent my whole life
working so women could have control over their bodies
and now, I have to call my granddaughter "he".
[wheels rolling on pavement]
[boy] Yo, Ray!
- Let me talk to you - for a second.
[girlfriend] Hey, just leave him alone.
Come on, girl.
- So we have to have different - albums for everything.
- Yeah, it helps - to distinguish
- The Ray days - from the Ramona days.
How about pink for before she defected?
He didn't defect.
I'm ignoring you.
Let's just do
public albums...
Blue.
...and [scoffs]
Private albums.
Oh, private albums, blue.
No, private albums, pink.
Public albums, blue.
Whatever. Okay.
[Dolly] Oh, this is a very private one.
Look at that. You used to have a lot of boyfriends.
- Sometimes, - all at the same time.
- You can't make jokes - out of my mistakes.
- That's exactly what you're - supposed to do with mistakes.
Your own mistakes.
- You make jokes - out of your own mistakes.
- Like, remember the time - you thought you were straight
And you married my father?
Hilarious.
I never thought I was straight.
I was just pretending.
[Dolly] I don't think you should jeopardize
- Ray's circumstances - just because
- You're afraid - to face your own demons.
- [Maggie] - I went to the DSS.
[Dolly] That's not the same as going to see Craig.
[skateboard wheels rolling]
[melancholy music plays]
[sniffles]
- Do you have any ice? - Is that a black eye?
- Oh, my God. - Here, sit down, sit down.
- Are you okay? Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- [Maggie] What happened?
- Here, you can have my ice.
Oh, I swallowed it, I'm sorry.
- Aren't you supposed - to use steak?
- We don't eat red meat.
- Ice cream!, Get the ice cream. - [Maggie] I ate it all.
- [Dolly] - I thought you hated that.
- [Frances] Peas. - I think you can use frozen peas.
Peas? Who eats frozen peas anymore?
Are you kidding?
Wow, good shiner.
I haven't been this close to a black eye in years.
Got it.
- [Frances] Oh, well. - [Maggie] Chicken's just like steak.
- Oh, my God, - it isn't.
- And that's - not chicken,
- It's Cornish hen. - But anyway...
- [Dolly] Exactly, and his little - wing is in her eye.
- Are you in pain? - Can you see?
Yeah, no, I'm fine, okay?
It was just some kids.
They wanted my phone.
- [Maggie] Oh, my God, - you were mugged?
No, Mom, it was some school kids.
- [Frances laughs] - From your school?
- [Ray] No, a school. - But, like, just kids, okay?
- Will you guys keep it together? - Come on.
- [Frances] But there's a hen on his face.
- [Maggie] Oh, look. - Oh, good.
- Careful not to get the rosemary in your eye.
[Ray] Why? Is it bad for you?
- [Frances] - No, it's just pointy.
[Maggie] Did they get it?
[Dolly] All right. That's my gal.
- Yeah, good.
- I lost my shoe, though.
- Oh, no. - Was that dinner?
That was dinner.
- [Ray] This really makes me - not want to be seen with you.
[Maggie] Well, that only makes me want to be sure you're seen.
[Ray] Can we just go home?
Cities don't get dark.
[Maggie] Yeah, well, this isn't for seeing, it's for hitting.
In case those kids come back.
- [Dolly] Well, those are the kids - you're sending her to school with.
Yeah, well... you sent me to public school.
Uh, that was before the sexualization of everything.
For a lesbian, you're pretty judgmental.
- Well, having sex with women - doesn't mean you're open-minded,
It just means you're happy.
- [scoffs] I don't know - why you had to come.
- This is worse than the part of the night When I got punched.
Is that it?
- [Dolly] - Where?
- [Maggie] - Right there.
[Ray] Yep. That's it.
- How do we do this?
- There.
Okay.
[distant car alarm blaring]
[Ray] Could we just go home?
- Ooh. - [grunts]
[grunts, gasps]
Oh.
[grunts]
Okay. Move, move Mom
I got this.
- Oh.
- Ah!
Whoa.
- [Maggie] - Ray, hold this.
- [Dolly] I got it. - Wait.
- What... what are - you doing? Mom?
I'm getting the shoe.
- [Ray] I really don't think it's legal - To climb strangers' fire escapes.
- [Maggie] Well, I don't think it's legal to steal someone's shoe.
- Are you okay, Mom? - Yeah.
- [Maggie] Can you see? - Yes.
[Maggie] We got this.
She's amazing.
[man yelling]
No, no, no. See, my granddaughter, she got mugged
and they... they took her shoe.
Go watch television or something, it's fine.
[Ray] When I was little, my mom always wanted me to be... a princess.
[video fast-forwards]
[boy on video] Yo, Ray!
Hey, you a girl or a boy? Huh?
[train rolling past]
Show me your dick, girl.
[Ray gasping]
[grunts]
Where you running to, faggot?
[Ray] When I was little,
my mom always wanted me to be... a princess
or Cinderella.
But I wanted to be...
a race car driver,
or... an astronaut,
or a cowboy.
[footsteps approaching]
[clock ticking]
[low-tempo music]
[Dolly exhales]
[door creaks open]
- [Frances] - I thought you'd given up.
[door creaks closed]
- I won ten bucks. - Oh.
- My lucky day. - Well, dinner's on you, then.
Did you have the talk?
Not yet.
You want me to? I will.
- You just open your mouth - and words come out.
And then, things are said and it's over.
I will. I-I will.
- I-I just... - She was in a mood.
- I didn't want to do it - when she was in a mood.
Well, she's always in a mood.
We all are.
I'm never in a mood.
No. You're just difficult.
[Ray] His.
He.
Him.
Me.
Boy.
I want to be your boyfriend.
[backpack zipper closes]
[Lola] Hey, Ray.
Heard you got into a fight.
- [Ray] It wasn't - a big deal.
Was it a guy who hit you?
Couple of guys.
Well, I think you're really brave.
Pretty lame beating up on a girl, right?
Well, I got class.
I'll see you later.
[birds singing]
[doorbell rings]
- [door slides open]
- I-I think I have the wrong house.
[woman] Can I help you?
Um, I, uh...
Well, actually, I was looking for someone.
Does he live here?
Does Craig Walker live here?
- Are you, like, a lawyer - or something?
No, no.
Who are you?
Uh, I'm Sinda Walker.
A boy?
Yes, a boy.
For how long?
Years, five, six years.
And it's gotten more intense as he's grown into himself,
into a person,
an articulate person.
Well, what if it gets better?
- Well, it's not a thing - that gets better
Because it's not bad,
it just is.
- Well... - You know, I...
We've been through therapy together on this,
years of therapy.
I've talked to a million people.
- Doctors?
- Yes, of course doctors.
You know, she never
wore dresses.
You said it didn't matter.
- This isn't about - wearing dresses.
It's not a choice,
it's not a whim.
Ray sees himself.
His vagina is just not a part of him.
It's like a mean trick.
Ther-There are risks,
there are serious risks.
I know.
She may not be able to get pregnant.
What if she changes her mind?
What if he commits suicide?
This is, this is...
a lot.
You... I mean, come on.
Look...
you want me to sign...
I-I, you know...
look, is there a pamphlet,
- or something, - for Christ's sakes?
Yes, there's a pamphlet.
Hundreds of pamphlets,
and websites,
and support groups,
- and message boards, and... - I want to be informed.
- Well, it's too late - to be informed.
I didn't come here to just catch you up
- on the last ten years - of his life.
I don't know how you think
- I-I'm supposed - to know what to do here.
- You don't have to know.
- This is just a - bullshit formality
- Because you're named - on the birth certificate.
My being named on the birth certificate
- means I have - certain rights.
And I have the right
to make an informed choice.
- No, I'm making - the informed choice.
You don't ever get to make an informed decision
because you weren't there.
- You weren't there for - the school meetings,
For the tantrums, for the
birthdays, the skinned knees,
- the discovery of sarcasm. - Great.
- Or anything else...
- I'm taking Zoe to the yard.
- [sighs] - Okay.
Look, there is no Ramona
anymore, it's just Ray.
Now, I went through losing
my daughter all by myself,
[voice breaking] And I will be raising my son
exactly the same, by myself.
- So if you could - just please...
Why weren't we together?
Just ask yourself why.
Why, Maggie?
- You know, I didn't come here - to talk about us.
Nobody cares about us.
You've certainly moved on,
- and I definitely think Simba - doesn't care about us.
- Sinda! Sinda! - She's definitely moved on,
And so has your adorable baby.
- You can't just show up - at my house,
Infringe on my family,
and expect me to do something
I don't even, I don't even know if I agree with!
- You're right! - I shouldn't have come here.
I should've just faked your death certificate.
Sign it myself.
[sighs]
Okay.
[breathing heavily]
[car starts]
♪ ♪
[footsteps stomping]
Ray?
Ray!
Oh, God.
[panting]
Oh.
[grunts]
[breathing heavily,
[water running]
[water stops running]
[Dolly] Did somebody turn the water off?
[footsteps approaching]
Ah.
Oh, it's you, all right.
Stay there.
Don't, don't, don't move.
Let me unhook this, okay?
Oh, shit.
What, have you been exercising?
How did it go?
Really? You're asking me that
when I'm on the floor?
Oh, so it went as expected.
No, it's not what I expected, actually.
Well, it's what I expected.
I love this conversation.
You didn't really think it would go smoothly, did you?
He didn't sign the papers.
And he has a perfect baby girl,
and a pretty young wife,
who's named after an elephant.
Or something.
Well, you had a perfect baby girl.
God!
[Frances] Dodo?
There you are.
[sighs]
Oh.
I've been at the U.N. all day,
arguing with a lot of men
about female circumcision.
Couldn't right it.
And look what they gave me.
- [laughing] - What am I gonna do with this?
I can't even re-gift it.
Oh, sorry.
I'd ask how it went,
but you're lying on the floor.
- Thanks for asking, Better Mom.
- Are you very upset? We still love you.
She said that, right?
That we, we still love you.
[Maggie] Well, I hope so.
- [Frances] - Of course, we want you here,
We want you to...
...we want you to come over
all the time.
Where else would I be?
Oh, oh, I don't know.
Wherever you go when you're not here.
You know?
I didn't have the conversation
because she was on the floor.
How am I to know she wasn't on the floor because of the talk?
What talk?
We have to talk.
Okay, so, uh...
...we were thinking since Ray's going to public school next year...
Which is definitely happening, right?
And you won't be paying all that artsy-fartsy tuition...
- We don't mean artsy-fartsy - in a bad way.
All right, I'm gonna handle this, okay?
That maybe you could redirect some of those funds
to your own apartment.
Not attached to your mother's apartment.
You're breaking up with me?
Now?
- No. - No.
No, no, no, we're breaking out, out, out into the world.
You're breaking up with me.
Sweetie, it's time.
So who's gonna take care of you when you're old?
We're gonna pay someone.
That's really selfish.
[Ray] You know, I've been going to same deli since I was ten.
There is one that's closer, but I like this one.
The guy there always says,
"Thank you, little man."
- [door opens]
- [footsteps approaching]
Mom!
Mom.
Hmm?
Are you watching Chaz Bono videos again?
No.
Ray?
Not now, Mom.
[Ray exhaling]
[grunts]
Um...
Okay, uh...
Dodo and Honey have asked us to move out.
Really?
But it has nothing to do with anything.
- They love you...
- I want to live somewhere else.
Don't you?
I want to be with like different neighbors and stuff.
Neighbors, like, wouldn't have met me when I was seven
wearing a dress.
I want to start over.
I get to start T.
I get to stop feeling like someone in-between.
[exhales]
We're doing it, Mom!
[laughing]
We're really doing it!
[squeals]
Oh!
[melodic mid-tempo music]
♪ ♪
[engine stops]
[indistinct chatter]
Go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go...
Go, go, go, go.
[engine starts]
- [Maggie] - Oh, God.
- [Maggie panting] God...
- Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
[Maggie] Shit.
- [tires screeching]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Holy sh... - Are you serious?
- [tires screeching] - Hey... hey!
- [Craig] Matthew!
- Hey! Hey!
[Maggie] Right when it's all coming together.
Bam, there he is.
- Just as I'm about - to get the whole thing signed,
Or not signed, but nearly signed, and there he is.
Why? Why was Matthew there?
- Maybe 'cause he was visiting - his brother?
Yeah, well, obviously.
But, oh, God, the whole thing is just so complicated.
Maybe it's happening for a reason.
But why does it have to take so long?
- I'm sorry. I'm trying - to show you around
As efficiently as possible.
You saw the kitchen appliances, yes?
It's just such a monumental decision.
Oh, God. Honestly?
I think Ray is the only good decision I've ever made.
- And if we - go through with this,
Does that make me the best mother on the planet,
or the worst?
Do you remember, we were gonna name him Cole
if he was a boy?
And now she is a boy,
and his name is Ray,
like a truck driver or something?
I know a lot of Rays who are not truck drivers.
What if he turns around one day with a full beard and says,
"Mom, I made a mistake"?
- [Maggie] All right, do we really have to do this now, Ray?
I... Am I scared?
You were always fidgety and
everything was always sticky
or stuffy or itchy.
"I said" You're not coming out with us
"until you put the dress on."
I thought you were a boy.
Dad wanted a boy. Of course.
[Maggie] And then they said you were a girl.
I was surprised.
You were all boy.
[Maggie] "I said," Stay in your room
until you put the dress on."
You took out your scissors
and you just cut it up.
You'd cut the stupid dress to pieces.
Regrets? [sniffles]
Yeah, I have regrets.
There's been a problem with the papers.
Oh, shit.
Your father has to sign them.
Okay.
But he won't.
- Why does he care? - He hasn't seen me since I was basically a baby.
Make him sign it.
- It's complicated.
- Uncomplicate it.
Okay, so Honey suggested that you emancipate yourself from us.
Me and your father, I mean.
And that would mean that you get to make all your own decisions.
And I'm not sure I'm ready for that.
Can you stop making my problems into your problems?
I'm not starting a new school in this body, I'm just not.
Maybe they'd make an exception.
- Maybe, maybe you could switch - mid-year.
I'm done with being an upset...
I'm...
[heavy sigh]
[hair clipper buzzing]
[low-tempo music]
[camera clicks]
[music continues]
Hi.
Does...
I'm looking for Craig Walker.
Mom.
It's for Craig Walker.
- [Sinda] Well, that's Daddy, bug. - Who is it?
Who is it?
[Craig] Can I help you?
Oh.
It... Ram...
It's Ramona.
Ramona.
Ray, actually.
Uh, come on in.
Come on in.
[boy] That's not what it is.
[Sinda] Yes, it is!
What is it?
- [boy] Yes, it is, - but I know it's not that.
[door slides closes]
[Craig] Sinda, this is Ramona.
- Ray.
- Ray. Right.
[train passing by in distance]
Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Uh... I've heard a lot about you.
I doubt it, but that's nice of you to say.
[mechanical whirring]
Here.
[Sinda and children
[continue talking]
So I have siblings.
Sort of.
Half-siblings, whatever.
Yeah, they're great kids.
It would have been nice to know.
So, just in case you do that again,
like, leave your family and start a new one,
you should tell this family about the old one.
I didn't leave my family.
I feel pretty left.
I didn't leave you guys.
It sort of just...
...uh, dissolved.
Fine.
So if this family dissolves,
- and another one solidifies, - you should...
I didn't come here to talk about this.
I don't know what your mom... told you.
I really don't want to talk about Mom with you.
Well, does she know that you're here?
- Yeah. I was like, - "Hey, Mom, I'm gonna skip school
"to confront my deadbeat dad."
I think you should call her and tell her you're here.
- I'll think about it.
- [playing piano]
[exhales]
Well, look.
- I got to get back - to the office.
- I only come here - for lunch.
Well, you should tell them that you're gonna be late,
or stuck, or whatever.
[exhales]
Okay.
[sighs]
Hey, it's me.
One of my kids is sick, so I'm not gonna be able
to make it to the office today.
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
I'm not sick.
Hey, Mom?
Is Ray down there?
[sirens wailing in distance]
Oh, well, okay. He must be at Taylor's or something.
Yeah, he probably did,
but my phone was dead.
- Mama, stop!
- [Sinda] Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh, are you, are you gonna stay for dinner?
I don't know who to ask that to.
[phone vibrating]
[beeps]
- [woman] - Hi, Miss Bennett.
- This is Sandy - at the Freeman School.
- Just checking in - because Ray's not in today,
And we wanted to make sure it's an excused absence?
[Maggie] I got a call that Ray wasn't in school today?
Well, it was dead.
Why didn't you call my landline?
Yes, I have a landline.
I'm sorry if you're this way because of me.
Are you this way because of me?
I'm a lot of things because of you.
This isn't one of them.
Sorry.
[Maggie] If he finds him, he needs to tell me or everyone is grounded.
You don't believe in grounding.
Do you believe in missing children?
She's not missing.
She's just not here.
- [phone rings]
- Hello?
Oh...
Oh, my God.
[mouthing]
Oh, thank God.
Tell him I'll be right there.
- And I will, uh...
- Is it Craig?
Shh!
Okay, great.
I'll be right there.
He's in Pleasantville.
- I don't want to be the one that - says "I told you so," but...
- [Maggie] - You didn't tell me so.
- Well, I meant to.
- Let's take the Rambler.
[Frances] I'm surprised he even recognized Ray.
- [Maggie] Why have I been - renting cars all this time?
- Well, we're going. - Oh, we're definitely going.
No, you're not.
I don't think this is a radio time.
Why not?
Because it's not a road trip, it's a mission,
- and I'm freaking out. - Well, I'm not.
Please, Mom, stop.
- I've never been in the back - seat of this car before.
There are six ashtrays.
- Do you have your - seat belt on?
There aren't any back here.
How did we used to put Ray's car seat back there?
We'd rig it with a rope.
[engine chugging]
Sit back, please.
- Tie yourself down - with the rope.
- [Frances] Look, we should get - the suspension looked at.
- You know, there might be - a helmet back there, too,
That we used to put on Maggie when we would take long drives.
That's ridiculous.
- [Dolly] You know, the helmet was my idea.
- [Maggie] Really?
- Most parents would just - throw their kids in the back,
- And they would bounce around - like laundry.
But not me.
- I got the helmet.
- Safety first.
[Dolly] I think I have to find a bathroom.
[Maggie sighs]
[laughs]
Are you friends with our dad?
Not really.
Are you friends with our mom?
No.
A long time ago...
I had a... um...
I had a different family.
I wasn't married.
But, uh...
I had a kid.
That kid...
...is Ray.
So you're, like, our brother?
Yeah.
[Craig] Sorta.
Yeah.
[Mia] Why "sort of"?
Because I was born in a girl's body.
But you're a boy.
- Can they fix it?
- Mostly.
I'm a girl in a girl's body... I think.
- [chuckles] - That's good.
- You're lucky.
- Thank you.
Gotta eat.
- [Ray] - You're both lucky.
- [Dolly] I think - she's rushing into it.
[Maggie] Mom, not now.
[Dolly] Don't you, a little bit,
feel like it's rushed?
[Maggie exasperated] Oh, God!
Dare I use the rest room here?
What's the alternative?
You always ask the difficult questions.
- Hey, will you come - stand guard,
Just in case there's any truck-stop nonsense?
It might not have a lock.
[Maggie] We don't have time for this, Mom.
Okay, I'll pee standing up.
I may not be married to her,
but... I'm married to her neuroses.
It's a lose-lose.
[sighs sharply]
Sorry, Moms,
- I'm breaking out with you.
- [engine starts]
Ma... Mags?
Maggie?
Mags, what the...
- Hey! - Come back.
[Dolly whistles loudly]
[whistle fades]
- This is not funny. - She is not funny.
Did I say something... again?
- Is that the problem? - What do we...
[doorbell rings]
[boy] You're having another friend over?
[knocking at door] I promise you, it's not a friend.
- Maggie. - Thanks for calling.
- Pleasure to see you...
- [calling out] Ray?
...again.
- Is he okay?
- Come in, again.
- Thanks.
Oh, I didn't realize you had company.
No, these are our older kids.
This is Mia and Cole. And you remember Zoe.
You have three kids
named Cole?
- No, they're not all named Cole. - [Ray] Four.
- [Sinda] Well, if she's - asking me, it's three.
Yeah, I have three kids.
Four.
Oh, my God.
I cut it.
Do you want to get that to go, honey?
I'm not leaving until he agrees to sign the papers.
[Craig] Well, the thing is,
your mother hasn't signed them either.
Where are they?
Give me the papers.
[Cole] Something's happening.
[Sinda] All right, everybody.
All right, come on, guys.
Can I have a pen?
What's the date?
This is fucking insane.
[Craig sighs] Jesus.
I didn't do anything. She just showed up.
"He." He.
Sorry.
He.
[sniffles]
She promised that she'd never do that.
She promised she'd never do...
shave her head.
All I did was tell you that Ramona...
that, Ray was here.
Okay? You're welcome.
No, no, don't...
"you're welcome" me.
You can't suddenly decide you have rights
after a hundred years of radio silence,
- and then "you're welcome" me. - Maggie, whose fault was that?
- [Maggie] Yours. - [Craig] Mine?
[Maggie] Yeah, yours.
[Craig] You slept with...
- So the kind of girlfriend I was - should have no bearing
- On what kind of parent - you decided to be.
- [Craig] Don't use the word - "girlfriend"
Like it takes some weight off your ass.
You slept with my brother!
- [quietly] Oh, my God.
- [Zoe crying]
You slept with Uncle What's-his-name?
- Matthew. - Uncle Matthew.
- You slept with Uncle Matthew?
- Just say Matthew.
- Mom!
- [Maggie] Oh, my God...
- Um...
- Unbelievable.
[Zoe crying]
Can you go to your room?
Someone's room.
Just go to someone's room.
Thanks a lot.
The damage you did to my family...
- I didn't speak - to my brother for years!
- The fucking earthquake - you caused?!
- Blaming me doesn't change the fact. - That we both fucked up.
- I did... I've done everything - I possibly could, Maggie.
- [Maggie] I know.
- I didn't... - I didn't miss a single...
- I-I did my best.
- [Maggie] Oh, really? That was your best,
being gone for ten years?
- [Craig] I was not gone, - for Christ's sakes.
- I-I took her - to lunches and...
One museum. You haven't seen her... him, since...
I have been more present
- than most guys would - have been in my position.
And what position is that,
- being busy with - your other kids?
The position of not actually being her father.
His father! His father!
[Ray screaming]
[screaming]
Ray, Ray, please listen.
- Stop! Stop! Just stop! - Please calm down.
Just stop. STOP!
You ruined it.
- You ruined it! Stop!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Stop it!
[Ray sobbing hysterically]
Mom, Mom, I...
- [Maggie] Please calm down.
- You ruined it!
You ruined it!
It's never gonna happen!
[melancholy low-tempo music]
[rain pattering softly]
[door handle creaks]
[sighs]
[sighs] I'm sorry.
Did you guys know that Uncle Matthew is my real dad?
Great.
[keys jingle]
[upstairs door slams]
[footsteps ascending stairs]
[another upstairs door slams]
- [Ray] My whole life, - I've searched my body...
My whole life, I've searched my body for scars.
Because I know a part of me is missing.
- Everyone assumes - that who I am
Is connected to who they thought I was
when I was born.
They're wrong.
When did I know I was definitely a boy?
Since I was four.
[echoing] Since I was four.
Since I was four.
[children yelling playfully
[in distance]
[footsteps approaching]
Okay.
Um, I'm not gonna interfere anymore.
I don't want to get left at the...
gas station again,
as it were.
She's apologizing.
I'm apologizing.
- [Frances] - We both are.
We shouldn't have come.
Well...
I still need the father's consent.
- [Dolly] - Oh, wow, that's amazing,
Considering that Ray's got two dads now.
I mean, I'm sorry.
I mean, that slipped out.
- [Frances] - Well, it didn't.
- That's two more fathers - than you ever had.
[Dolly] True. And two more than Mags ever had.
- Now, I mean, there's, - like, dads coming out
- Of the woodwork everywhere. - [Frances] Abundance of dads.
[sighs]
[sniffles]
Who will love him?
I will.
He's my... grandson.
[crying softly]
[Dolly] You're doing a good job.
[water running]
[footsteps approaching]
[Maggie] You don't have to talk to me.
I know you're angry.
And you have a right to be.
[sighs]
[water turns off]
I fucked up. I know that.
I'm so not interested.
[spits]
Ray?
I love you.
I need to go to bed.
[distant siren wailing]
You're the reason I don't have a dad.
[Maggie] I'm doing my best.
- Please. - [Ray] Mom.
[Maggie] It's gonna be different.
A lot needs to be different before I can come here.
I know, but... Craig is still your dad.
I want to emancipate myself.
From all of you.
It's not the way to go.
Anyway, it's not that easy.
If it was easy, Mom, most kids would be doing it.
[girl laughing]
- [laughter]
- [chattering]
[door opens]
[door closes]
You must really hate whoever gave you that present.
It's a... dead mouse.
[trash can lid rattling]
Can I come in?
[lighter clicking]
I'm not talking first.
[sighs]
I hate your brother.
Okay.
I hate him for everything
he's done or not done.
But I hate him especially now for talking to you.
Okay.
And I hate you, too.
Okay.
For coming here.
Okay.
And for saying "okay" over and over again.
- Which is worse than not saying - anything at all.
All right.
And I hate myself,
in case anyone's wondering.
So, don't feel especially special or anything.
I don't.
Good.
[scoffs]
You were, though.
[sighs]
Used to be.
[chuckles]
I wish you'd chose me.
Would you have chosen us?
I'd like to think so.
I'd rather not think so.
Otherwise, I don't know how...
I don't know.
So tell me you wouldn't have.
- I would have. - Just tell me...
...you wouldn't have.
I wouldn't have.
Good.
Can you, can you...
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh. Shh.
I don't hear any slamming.
I could have been there for him.
[Ray] He should have the reports, that'll be fine.
[laughs]
Um, you remember...
Uncle Matthew.
Can we say Matthew?
Matthew.
Did you see what Jenny Schwartz was wearing today?
- Shut up. - What? I thought you loved her.
I don't love her.
- I'd hit that, - but I don't love her.
[Maggie] Language.
- [Ray] "Hit that"? - [Maggie] I hate that.
Hey, Mrs. Ray's Mom.
[Maggie] Hey, Jesse, Taylor, Spoon.
Is that your dad?
I don't have a dad.
Oh.
He's a good kid.
I should...
I'll, um, I'll...
I'll talk to you.
[footsteps descending stairs]
- [Dolly] - Come on in.
[footsteps approaching]
Matthew, Matthew, Matthew.
I don't remember. Do you drink?
No, yeah, not-not...
Not this early, thanks.
Well, we didn't ask you over to have a drink.
He's gotten a little thick around the middle.
Well, so have we.
Oh, no, it's just a support brace.
- I mean, I probably am a little - thicker around the middle,
- But there's also... - Yeah, we don't need to see your bra.
- What we want to know is - what you're doing back in the picture.
And if you really know what you're getting into.
Do you really know what you're getting into?
[sighs] No, I... I-I don't.
Good answer.
That is a good answer.
[car horns honking]
[subway train rolling past]
- I want to talk to you.
- What about?
[train grows louder]
Well, what about my stuff?
- Well, take it easy - on her.
You never do.
Ray? Ray.
Ray...
Look, sometimes
I'm wrong.
- Not often, - but sometimes.
- And I thought you were too young - to know what you wanted,
but you do know.
And I was just afraid.
And now, I-I realize that,
well, who you are and...
...who I love
is staying the same
and, uh, everything that's changing
is just details.
What are you saying?
- I'm saying that - it's about time
That we had a man in this family.
- Want to listen - to a new beat I made
- From an old jazz sample?
- Yeah.
[beat playing over headphones]
I had a conference in the city.
And?
Then I thought I'd stop by and lay some heavy shit on you.
You ever heard of that?
You need a better opener.
I came to apologize.
Thank you.
- I didn't realize - I'd be interrupting anything.
It's-It's not anything.
I mean, it's something.
- [Maggie] Well, he certainly - wasn't invited.
It's-it's just... [sighs]
- Y-you called Matthew, - and told him, and now he's here
- And we're all just... - [Matthew] Maggie.
He didn't tell me anything.
- I did tell him. I told you. - I told you.
I told you that your-your affair with my wife...
- [both] Girlfriend. - ...makes you Ramona's father,
But she's still my daughter.
Son. Shit.
I... I-I want to be involved.
I'm not going away.
I want to be here.
He's not interested.
I didn't come here for you. I came here for Ray.
- Matthew told me - that Ray told him
- That he doesn't - have a father.
He doesn't have a father.
I thought you were at Taylor's.
What was going on out there?
He was being a douche.
Jerk.
[sighs]
[Ray exhales heavily]
[laughs]
I guess the blue ink ran out.
[laughs]
[sighs]
["Needle in the Camel's Eye"
[by Greys]
♪ Those who know ♪
♪ They don't let it show ♪
♪ Just give you
one long glance ♪
♪ And you'll go
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Goes to show ♪
♪ How winds blow ♪
♪ The weather's fine ♪
♪ And I feel so, so, so... ♪
[Maggie] Ray. Ray!
Ray, can you turn it down a little, please?
[music shuts off]
Sure.
I didn't know you were home.
And do you always play it this loud when I'm not home?
Only when I'm really,
really, really happy.
It is really hot in here.
I wear a lot of shit.
I'd like to know all those people...
...like Dad and Matthew...
...or Dad Matthew or whatever.
Oh.
Okay.
And Sinda and those kids.
Okay.
We can take it at your pace.
[man] Let's talk about Ray.
Okay, now I'm gonna...
show you how to use this, right?
It's not very complicated.
- Can I take this?
- What? Oh.
- Do you mind?
- Yeah. All right.
- See you there. - You're welcome.
[doctor] To lay out things
that you need to know
when administering testosterone.
A couple of dos and don'ts.
All right, Ray?
[gentle low-tempo music]
[Ray sniffles]
Thank you.
[crying quietly]
That's them.
It was cold, but...
Everybody's there, huh?
What do you think?
- Sake. Sake time. - Let's do it.
Okay, I'll be right there.
I'm the grandma and my name
is Dodo like the bird.
I'm Frances.
You can call me Honey.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Are you a fan of Japanese food?
- [Ray] Yeah.
[laughter]
Yeah, I like salmon,
um, albacore.
Right. I know I'm regular.
- [Ray] You're regular, - So I'm regular.
[Sinda] Ready to try it?
Do you like it?
[Mia] No, but you can have it.
Don't get up.
[overlapping conversation]
Put that away, please. Enough.
My name's Cole.
- I like the name Cole. - Yeah.
- Sweetheart, will you - please put that down?
I'm proud of you.
[mouthing silently]
[overlapping conversation]
["Fit In" by KT Tunstall]
♪ When the fire goes out ♪
♪ And you can't get started ♪
♪ And you know
there's nothing ♪
♪ To keep you apart ♪
♪ When the light comes in ♪
♪ And you know that it's over ♪
♪ And you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
♪ Ah-ah ♪
♪ Ah-ahh ♪
♪ You don't have to be
anything for me ♪
♪ When you're all tired out ♪
♪ And you need
a little loving ♪
♪ "Come over here," you said,
"and I'll be what you need" ♪
♪ When you're hollowed out ♪
♪ I can't find you ♪
♪ Find you
forever to me darling ♪
♪ Pour some luck on me ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm
an incandescent dream ♪
♪ So come on and help me ♪
♪ And you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
♪ Ah-ah ♪
♪ Ah-ahh ♪
♪ No you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
♪ Calm day vibrating ♪
♪ The one that's a few rooms
into this song ♪
♪ Tamed and domesticated ♪
♪ Fit in sophisticated ♪
♪ Calm day vibrating ♪
♪ The one that's a few rooms
into this song ♪
♪ Tamed and domesticated ♪
♪ Pour some luck on me ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm
an incandescent dream ♪
♪ And you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
♪ And you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
♪ And you'll never go
where you don't feel ♪
♪ Like you fit in ♪
[song ends]